“To Be and Be Seen”, Acrylic on Canvas
I’m currently sitting here with the open book of the Gospel of Mark on my left and a scarcely touched How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk on my right. I’m at an interesting place out here. And by out here I mean, Texas. It happened. I’m three months in and waste deep in God’s grace. No, more like in over my head with it. This move has been both peaceful and terrifyingly stretching and at the same time I want to both anxiously run for my life and stand with arms wide in the middle of it and be everything I’m called to be. Yet, every day my heart feels the pull it will take to get there. I’m at an interesting place.
Early on someone asked me how differently I felt being here than when I was back in Los Angeles. The first thought that came to mind was, “I feel seen here.” I can’t quite describe it.
Don’t hide. Don’t hide, Arielle. You weren’t made to hide.
That whisper. That command. It plays over and over again. From before I left to now. Every time I want to run. Retreat. Go “home” to the familiar. The safe.
I’m learning who I am apart from every person, place and memory that has made up the last 26 years of my life. Who is this God in me 1400 miles away from where I first met Him? What does He look like surrounded by, yet never once contained to this Texas sky? What does HIs love, our love, my love look like here in between these city lines? Can I really be the person I’m called, intended and want to be?
If there was a single lesson we learn over and over in this life (next to learning humility) it’s patience. Patience for God. Patience for ourselves. Patience with others. That’s what I’m learning here. In this moment.
And when I look up at the sky for the thousandth time each day and ask God, “Why? Why do you have me here?” I feel a patient response of, “Just enjoy right here, right now. Just be and let yourself be seen. I’ve got you.”
There may never be a flashing neon sign that points to a flashy openly dramatic reason why I’ve been called to this life, but my original “why” is the very maker of heaven and earth and the soil I get to make “home” on right now. And that is a big enough reason to ‘be and be seen’. He’s got me.
“His ultimate concern is not to get you or me from point A to point B along the quickest, easiest, smoothest, clearest route possible. Instead, His ultimate concern is that you and I would know HIm more deeply as we trust Him more completely.”