It wasn’t too long ago that I was driving, sun setting in my rearview mirror, that I felt my heart awaken to a dream I’d thought was a prisoner of my past. Like a box of butterflies that had just been opened or that one puzzle piece that was misplaced under the box; it came as a sense of relief and excitement. To me, it was another beautiful reminder of mercy and grace.
Mystery aside, I was reawakened to the idea that I truly am worthy of that relationship my heart has always longed for. In the mentality of my past and some shame of my yesterdays, that hope got buried away. I lost the idea that the companion I had truly held out for would ever be mine to merit.
Then, like a light emerging in a dim room, I was reminded that I am not my yesterdays. From this moment to the next, I’m being made anew. No longer do I have to carry the weight of the person I once was or her missteps. The realistic fairytale of having someone love me for every bit of “crazy” and awkwardness and layer of who I was, am and still am becoming is fully possible to be all mine…again. So is the thought that I could love that person with the same amount of willingness.
The reminders of dreams deferred have the most perfect timing, it seems. The awakening of forgotten hopes and aspirations that fell numb in my heart have, as weird as it sounds, brought some life to me lately. Maybe that deadening was needed in order to be revived to new life again. Not my own life, but the one He has for me. I can’t take back what I’ve left behind, but I can lay hold of the beautiful future that’s being written for me. Mercy and grace at its finest.
We’re all more than our past and nothing should have a say in telling us otherwise. Not even ourselves.