Awaken

It wasn’t too long ago that I was driving, sun setting in my rearview mirror, that I felt my heart awaken to a dream I’d thought was a prisoner of my past. Like a box of butterflies that had just been opened or that one puzzle piece that was misplaced under the box; it came as a sense of relief and excitement. To me, it was another beautiful reminder of mercy and grace.

Mystery aside, I was reawakened to the idea that I truly am worthy of that relationship my heart has always longed for. In the mentality of my past and some shame of my yesterdays, that hope got buried away. I lost the idea that the companion I had truly held out for would ever be mine to merit.

Then, like a light emerging in a dim room, I was reminded that I am not my yesterdays. From this moment to the next, I’m being made anew. No longer do I have to carry the weight of the person I once was or her missteps. The realistic fairytale of having someone love me for every bit of “crazy” and awkwardness and layer of who I was, am and still am becoming is fully possible to be all mine…again. So is the thought that I could love that person with the same amount of willingness.

The reminders of dreams deferred have the most perfect timing, it seems. The awakening of forgotten hopes and aspirations that fell numb in my heart have, as weird as it sounds, brought some life to me lately. Maybe that deadening was needed in order to be revived to new life again. Not my own life, but the one He has for me. I can’t take back what I’ve left behind, but I can lay hold of the beautiful future that’s being written for me. Mercy and grace at its finest.

We’re all more than our past and nothing should have a say in telling us otherwise. Not even ourselves.

 

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3 thoughts on “Awaken

  1. This is beautiful Arielle! Those moments of just pure awe with Jesus is what makes life so mind blowing. That’s right, we are not our yesterdays. Yea so maybe we blew it a few times okay more than a 100 times in the past but everyday we become closer to the person God wants us to become. Thank you for this. It reminds me that everyday is a new start to live according to his will. I learned that we need to have a positive and hopeful mindset that God will give us that special spouse everyday. Instead, of thinking that no person can ever fullfill that role of our spouse or “I don’t want the drama” idea of a man in our lives. Deep down we kinda do hehe. All in all, in the mean time, we just need to wait patientely, humbly, and assured that God has us covered whiling enjoying the short moments of being single.

  2. I loved the last sentence here, it is a big reminder of being human. I believe we are always a work in progress and that we have the ability to make good and bad choices. Hopefully, I see myself as wanting to make the right choices. In terms of relationships whether it be with family, friends or loved ones, it is quite challenging because some people view you in the past and some take you as you come. Thankfully, those who view us on a day to day basis or see us as we are, are people we need to keep in our lives. I also appreciate the beauty of dating oneself, and I am glad you made that significant in this post. Oftentimes, we forget that loving oneself is more important than loving another person. How can you care about another human being if you leave yourself in the outskirts? You know :]

  3. Reblogged this on Beautiful as Fire and commented:

    Because I’ve been so grateful for the state of my heart and mind lately. I could run around in a field or something-praising the God of my life all the way through.
    “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

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